MY FOCUS THIS YEAR IS BUILDING STRONG RELATIONSHIPS

Build relationships by influencing what you expect, reflect what you desire, Become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.”

UNKNOWN

It’s a new year!! Many of you have come up with new year goals on improving and changing things. It could be eating healthier, getting more sleep, hitting the gym, or improving personal growth. But, let’s admit, this is a typical American tradition to forget or quit early into the new year. My goal is to focus on building stronger relationships with my coworkers throughout the entire year. 

But how do I build strong relationships with every coworker? Relationships give us the ability to build respect, trust and ultimately allow us to influence. As you look at your relationships at work, there is no one you spend more time with than those you work with. 

Building relationships doesn’t mean you have to create a friendship. It means your colleagues must have confidence in what you say and suggest. I was recently put in a different role where it is critical to have strong relationships with every team member.

Building relationships doesn’t mean you have to create a friendship. It means your colleagues must have confidence in what you say and suggest. I was recently put in a different role where it is critical to have strong relationships with every team member. Even though I have focused most of my last 15 years on growing my leadership, I tend to want things my way, and everyone else doesn’t know what they are doing or talking about. So, I want to change my approach to ensure I build a strong relationship with each person. 

Here are 8 things I am focusing on to build stronger relationships.

  1. I will focus on people through my perception.  Your self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-perception establish the foundation of all your relationships. How you view yourself and life shapes how you see and relate to others.
  2. “People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.” Caring about people isn’t automatic. Not everyone cares. I’m sure you’ve run into people along the way that it’s clear that they don’t care. You can’t learn to care, it’s not a skill, but you can decide to care. 
  3. I will really listen. This is a game-changer. One of the most remarkable ways to build relationships with anyone is to listen genuinely. I am often in a hurry to give my viewpoint. I always want people not to “STOP TALKING, QUIT WASTING OXYGEN.” So, when you slow down for a minute or an hour and truly listen, you communicate that you value that person. 
  4. Hurting people hurts people. When your response to a situation is greater than the issue at hand, the real issue is always about something else. Strong leaders figure out how to get to the real issue.
  5. I will admit when I’m wrong, ask for forgiveness and forgive others quickly. Taking responsibility for your actions is the core to achieving solid relationships. If you make a mistake, own it. If you treat someone poorly, ask forgiveness. You might be correct, but if you need to win, you’ll lose in the long run.
  6. I will determine how to add value to people. You can add value to people in simple ways. Adding value is no more complex than the idea of how you contribute to them. It can be as simple as a kind and encouraging word, and it can be as involved as a lifetime of mentoring. Your relationships with others will give you the knowledge of how to add value to them. 
  7. I will strive to encourage my colleagues. We all know the answer but let me ask anyway. Have you ever been encouraged too much by anyone? Of course not. Your encouragement will create a strong relationship and increase your leadership.
  8. I will build Trust through my strong relationships. When it comes down to relationships, Trust is critical. But, unfortunately, at times, we will reduce Trust. Trust is like having a pocket full of coins. When I build Trust, I place more coins in my pocket; when I reduce Trust, I lose coins. The idea is to never run out of coins in your pocket, and you will maintain a level of Trust. This reflects your character and, ultimately, who you are.

I identified these focus items by reflecting on the last couple of years, identifying what I do well in building relationships and what I need to improve on. Some of these will be easy to achieve; however, many will challenge me this year. But I desire to make this year a successful year in building solid relationships and exceeding expectations. 

Let me strongly encourage you to consider these 10 focus items and make the necessary adjustments to achieve an intense year!

“A relationship is not perfect, you will fight over and over, but as long as you make-up, everything will be alright.”

UNKNOWN

Denis is an Executive Director at the John Maxwell Group, is a certified leadership coach, trainer, keynote speaker, and DISC Behavior, Consultant. Denis is currently the Director of Health & Safety for Ferguson Enterprises. He is a passionate person of influence committed to teaching and communicating practical and relevant influencing techniques.  His unique, passionate, and emotionally driven style resonates with many, creating a desire to become an effective leader. 

You can contact Denis at dbaker@leaderinfluence.net for information on coaching, leadership, team and culture training, DISC Behavioral consulting, or to be an inspirational speaker at your next event.

CONFLICT WITH TEAM MEMBERS, How to Relieve It

Team Members will experience conflicts. A member of your team or another colleague whom you think is in the trenches with you can suddenly become a foe. In an instant, teams meant to work together to achieve the goals and objectives can end up locked in conflict. I don’t think any of us wake up in the morning hoping to deal with conflict………..but it will show up. Conflicts rip teams apart, destroy morale, and will result in poor performance.

So, what do we need to do to relieve the conflict and become a stronger high-performance team? 

  1. Positions – Many team members focus on their job title to dictate the direction. This is very typical for those promoted to a high level for the first time, or maybe it is a person who has occupied the job for many years and feels they know how to strategize for success. To relieve this conflict, the team members must be open to allowing each member to share their thoughts and ideas, and the team provides professional feedback. When each person is talking, other team members must focus on listening to what is being said and understanding where they are coming from and why they are posing the information. 
  2. Mistrust or uneven communication – Many teams have members who create an atmosphere of mistrust because they want the results to follow them. As a part of multiple teams, many members don’t communicate or consider the entire company but focus on what will work best for their assigned responsibilities. This creates a very contentious atmosphere and results in extreme conflict. For example, suppose someone dominates the conversation while others sit silent or appear to have dropped out. In that case, a team member might need to stop the process and ask each person what they need to accommodate their assigned responsibilities. This will reduce the frustration and eliminate the conflict.
  3. Personality clashes – When you don’t get along with a team member, it can make both of you very frustrated. And though you might wish for a personality transplant for your annoying coworker, that’s probably not going to happen. Personality clashes are the most reported problem in the workplace. Too often, these conflicts go unresolved because people concentrate on their personalities rather than focusing on the issues. When the clashes escalate, they create a TOXIC work environment. People influence each other’s behavior. We can’t control or change another person’s personality, but we certainly can control our own emotions and reactions. The clashes are between you and the other person, no one else. Consider what Lou Holtz’s humorous perspective is, “Don’t tell your problems to people! 80% don’t care, and the other 20% are glad you have them.”
  4. Power issues and personal agendas – I am KING and WILL DO what I WANT TO DO! A conflict that involves power issues or solid personal agendas must be deleted. The reality is that some members are not a right fit for the team, and leaders need to remove or offer them another role. This doesn’t happen often, but occasionally it will. The good news is the team usually jumps forward once it changes. 

“When your agenda becomes more important than the team’s desired outcome, team performance suffers, and each member will fail.” 

DENIS BAKER

Conflict can improve team performance when it is handled properly. The challenge for Team members is knowing how and when to intervene.

SO WHAT, NOW WHAT

When we have our leaky roof, we’re just hoping to restore things to normal. However, when we repair Team relationships, there is always an opportunity to build more trust and increase future performance.

Denis is an Executive Director at the John Maxwell Group, is a certified leadership coach, trainer, keynote speaker, and DISC Behavior, Consultant. Denis is currently the Director of Health & Safety for Ferguson Enterprises. He is a passionate person of influence committed to teaching and communicating practical and relevant influencing techniques.  His unique, passionate, and emotionally driven style resonates with many, creating a desire to become an effective leader. 

You can contact Denis at dbaker@leaderinfluence.net for information on coaching, leadership, team and culture training, DISC Behavioral consulting, or to be an inspirational speaker at your next event.