Trust, The Glue That Bonds Relationships

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“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

According to Steven Covey, “Trust is the glue of life.  It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that upholds all relationships”. Trust is crucial in the leadership process.  In fact, trust is required for effective leadership.  Trust can be described simply by comparing it to pocket change.  Every right decision puts change in your pocket.  Every poor decision takes change from your pocket.  The key is to increase your pocket change, rather than always paying it out.  Sure we all make mistakes. And each mistake cost us some coins from our pocket.  However, employees are tolerant of mistakes as long as we are transparent, quick to humility and strive to regain their confidence.

In his book, Leadership 101, John Maxwell shares three qualities a leader must exhibit to gain trust; competence, connection and character.  Violate any one of these three qualities, and you will lose the trust of those who follow.  Trust is doing what’s right because it’s right.  Mackey and Sisodia state in their book, Conscious Capitalism; “the right actions undertaken for the right reasons generally lead to good outcomes over time.”  I don’t think anyone can remain a leader if he or she continues to make poor decisions and break the trust of employees.  When we break trust, we damage the relationship. Relationships can be repaired, but with much work and effort.

In fact, a leader can’t be a leader if there is no trust because trust leads to influence.  If people don’t trust you, you can’t have influence.  Without influence, you can’t lead.

Build sincere relationships and out of your sincerity, will come trust. Only then will you be able to influence and achieve effective leadership.

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ATTITUDE, A Quick Insight For Influence

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INSIGHT FOR INFLUENCE – Attitude, “it is a little thing that makes a big difference.” For some people, attitude presents a difficulty in every opportunity; for others, it presents an opportunity in every difficulty. Simply put, attitude is how one feels about something, what ever that might be. It is an inside thing that manifests itself throughout our outside actions. Some try to mask or hide it, but it will present itself in our actions and words. Leaders have a tremendous influence on others. In fact, our attitude will have a positive or adverse effect on those we lead. Consider your attitude and influence for positive leadership.

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HOW TO REMAIN ENCOURAGED DURING DIFFICULT TIMES

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You remember the saying, “Let the good times roll.” Well, sometimes the good times turn bad. We enjoy the benefit of things going well and t’s easy to encourage others when they’re down. But sooner or later, we will enter into difficult times. It’s inevitable. As I said in my last post, “How to Remain Motivated and Influential During Difficult Times,” I stated that, “no one will escape difficulty in life.” The reality is, there will be times of discouragement. But discouragement doesn’t mean we have to fall apart or quit.

I look to the scriptures for my daily encouragement. When difficult times hit, I find it even more important to study and mediatiate. Here are five bible verses to encourage you during difficult times.

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How to Stay Motivated and Influential in Difficult Times

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“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

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It’s Friday, you are finishing up a few last things and then heading out for the weekend. As you are sitting in your office reading a report, you hear a light tap on the door. Looking up, you see your boss closing the door. S/he starts out by saying, you have really done an excellent job, but…… you probably know where this ends. Most of us have been there. You are about to encounter the harsh truth, you are out of a job. Maybe you just received news that you or a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer. Or maybe you find yourself falling on difficult financial times. Whatever it may be, there will be difficult times in all of our lives. Difficult times also bring on frustration, anxiety, and fear of the unknown.

As you stare down on this big ugly beast, realize that your reaction will determine your success or failure. What will your reaction be, discouragement or comfort? Your answer depends on you. I think we all feel disbelief and despair in the beginning. But it doesn’t have to consume us. In fact, I believe we must take advantage of these situations and find ways to stay motivated and encouraged in difficult times.

Here are 10 ways I stay motivated during difficult times:

  1. Realize life flows up and down – Life is a cycle. There will always be good and bad times. It’s how we react and handle those times that determine our future.
  2. Remember, things don’t change overnight – Things take time to work out. Be patient and work diligently for your desired outcome.
  3. Focus on the positive – Although the past is with us, it doesn’t have to haunt us. Focus on what matters today and tomorrow. Remember, yesterday ended last night, focus on today in preparation for tomorrow.
  4. Continue self-growth – When difficult or trying times hit, it is a perfect time to take personal inventory and determine where you need to grow.  Spend time becoming a better you. Physically, mentally and spiritually. You can GROW or GROAN. However, I don’t think the latter will get you much.
  5. Consider all options – Take time to consider your options. Maybe it is time for a career change, or to downsize in your home, vehicles, etc. Whatever it may be, remain open and ready to take initiative.
  6. Serve others – As difficult times come upon us, look for ways to help others succeed. In fact, this is an excellent time to move the situation away from you. Serving others creates a heart of gratitude and gives us the opportunity to meet the needs of others.
  7. Consider the big picture – Remember that everything happens for a reason. You may be the reason you have fallen on difficult times. Whatever the reason, maintain a big picture point of view. Consider your current situation and look for opportunities to achieve your future desires and goals. Never a better time than the present to begin a new road to the future.
  8. Embrace change head-on – Change. I LOVE IT! Many hate it, fight it and despise it. Become a person who embraces change. Consider the many opportunities change presents and capitalize on them. Remember, the only thing constant in life is….change.
  9. Never give up – Whatever you do, don’t give up and don’t settle. Too many give in too quickly. Continue to push through the muck and mud, and you will be victorious!
  10. Pray and stay in the Word – During difficult times, it’s important to understand where your strength comes from. I  believe one must stay connected to God through prayer and reading His Word, the Bible.

These 10 ways help me maintain my motivation during the difficult times. I believe one or all can help you do the same. Remember that difficult times affect us all. No one escapes the difficult times in life. However, the way we handle and react in those times determines our success or failure.

When you remain motivated, others see how well you adapt and handle the situation and will allow you to influence them. Tim Tebow said, “I’ll always use the negative as more motivation to work even harder and become even stronger.” Use the difficult times to become a better and stronger person.

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TO COACH IS TO LEAD, 6 Principles to Effective Coaching

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It was a scorching Thursday. Sweat was pouring down my face, and my shirt was soaked. As I was leaving the location, I overheard a supervisor conversing with an employee. I stood by (without being noticed) and listened to what was said. It seemed to be a one-sided conversation from the supervisor to the employee. I overheard the supervisor insult the employee over five times within 8 minutes. He kept telling him how “stupid” he was and how a 10-year-old could do the job better and more efficiently than he would ever be able to. The conversation and subsequent insults continued for another five minutes before the supervisor finally stopped and told the employee to go back to work.

As the supervisor began walking back to his trailer, I called him over and said I overheard his conversation with the employee and asked him a few questions. I started the conversation by stating that I only wanted to know if he felt his discussion would effectively improve the employee’s performance? The supervisor looked at me with his head slightly tilted, and his eyebrows raised and stated, “I don’t know; if not, I will fire him.”

I continued my questioning:

  • Will firing a person solve the overall performance issue?
  • What action (or lack thereof) generated the conversation?
  • Did he feel his approach was practical?
  • Have you had previous conversations with this employee over similar circumstances?
  • Do you feel you clearly and effectively communicate your expectations to this employee?
  • What could he have been done to involve the employee in identifying why he is not meeting your expectations?
  • Do you feel you are an effective leader?

Our conversation went on for quite some time. I could tell the supervisor was frustrated and had no idea where I was going and why I asked so many questions. Typically, no one would question what a supervisor was doing and why. However, after many questions, he finally admitted that he could have handled the situation differently. I asked him what brought him to that conclusion? He realized that embarrassing a person and threatening their job was not very effective. He also stated that he figured out why his crew would not talk to him or interact in conversations. He went on to say that he realized they were not interested in a relationship, and they were afraid to say anything. The next question is obvious, “What did he think he needed to do to change or correct the situation?” The supervisor looked at me and then the ground and back at me and said, I need to talk with the whole group and maybe start over. I agreed, shook his hand, and walked away.

As I was walking back to my vehicle, I realized something. Regardless of position, coaching is critical to effective leadership. If one can’t coach employees, are they able to influence? We know leadership is influence; John Maxwell made that clear. I believe the answer is no.

If you want to become an effective leader, you must become a competent coach. What is coaching? Coaching is a conversational process that aims to improve performance by focusing on the current or immediate performance rather than past or future performance. The coaching process is designed to allow a person to arrive at their conclusions or solve their problems by honestly answering the coach’s questions.

To become an influential leader, the supervisor or manager must transition from a controlling, intimidating, or monitoring role to a partnership between the manager and employee(s). This will create an atmosphere of shared understanding about what needs to be achieved and the process for obtaining it.

Don’t let the word “coaching” confuse you. The coaching process doesn’t mean a hands-off approach but rather an environment of involvement in the employee or group’s progress. One must move from a “checking and monitoring” philosophy to a progressive process for encouraging improved performance. Employees are not free to do as they wish; but are held accountable for their overall performance and meeting the established goals, plans, and timelines. To be active in the coaching process, you must become familiar with the basic principles of coaching and how it works. To better understand, I’ve identified six principles you should remember when coaching.

  1. Ask Don’t Tell. A coach is NOT an expert who gives advice, but rather someone who asks practical questions to bring the individual to their conclusions.
  2. Answers are Within. The answers are ALWAYS in the individual. The person is just not conscious of them at the time. The coach’s job is to bring the solutions forward.
  3. Power is the Process. The power is in the process, NOT the coach.
  4. No need for Experts. You do NOT need to know how to do something OR be experienced to coach someone to more excellent performance.
  5. Answers Inform, Questions Transform. The more non-directive you are (in questioning), the more powerful your influence. Asking a particular kind of question is the key to achieving the answers.
  6. The Process Works. Realize that coaching brings self-discovery, awareness, clarity, responsibility, and choice; it makes the unconscious conscious.

What will coaching do? It will build stronger bonds between you and your employees. It will also help them improve their performance by identifying and solving problems and issues before they affect performance.

Coaching is an excellent way to increase influence and improve employee performance, thus strengthening your leadership.

Are You A Leader? Then You Must Be a Learner!

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In my journey to increase my leadership, I’ve come to realize the importance of self-growth and the value of always learning. Let’s face it, if you want to lead, you must learn to lead yourself first.

I’ve found that most successful leaders become successful through their insatiable drive to learn more. They are never satisfied with what they know; they always want to know more. In fact, successful leaders are somewhat obsessive with their desire and drive to learn.

Here are eight (8) ways to create an obsession to learning:

  1. Do it every day – Every discussion, every wrong turn, every meeting, every confrontation, every conversation; learn from it. Don’t waste the day; we only get so many. Never pass up an opportunity to learn!
  2. Never be satisfied with today – Whatever you accomplish, good for you, but remember tomorrow is coming and today will just be yesterday. Never forget yesterday, but rather learn from it and take today straight on!
  3. Serve others by helping to solve problems – Learn by helping others succeed. Leaders help those whom they lead. Invest in your people’s development, give words of wisdom and encouragement. Be a part of their struggles and successes!
  4. Read! – Everything and anything! Need to solve a problem? Need an answer to a question? There’s a book for that! Reading will not only increase your knowledge, but it will also improve your vocabulary and creative process. I used to hate to read. After college, I don’t think I read a book for ten years after graduation. Apparently, I’m not the only one. 42% of all college graduates will never read another book after completion of their formal education! Make reading a habit of learning and get ahead of 42% of the people!
  5. Ask questions – John Maxwell said, “Answers inform, but questions transform.” Ask questions and be willing to challenge the answer with the notion to understand the answer given. Remember, we don’t know it all, never will.
  6. Be an active listener – If you ask a question, be willing to listen to the answer actively. I’ve found I learn more by listening and less by talking. Listen and learn.
  7. Keep an open mind – Be open to new ways of thinking. Realize there is always another and maybe better way to do things. Remember you don’t know what you don’t know because you don’t know it!
  8. Always fail forward – You failed? Get over it! What did you learn? J.M. Barrie said, “We are all failures – at least, all the best of us are.” Always find the positive in failure. In fact, I think failure is the best way to learn.

Leaders who never stop to improve themselves are eager to take on new challenges, embrace change and help others succeed.

Become a leader who yearns to learn!

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Legacy, It’s Our Time, Our Moment

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We are but a speck in the moment of time situated between the past and future. We sit in the present. Every breath we breathe, every word we say, every decision we make; contributes to our legacy. Every single moment of every single day, we are creating the legacy we leave behind.

That scares me to death. However, it also creates an excitement deep within my soul. The time is now for us to create the legacy we want to leave.  

It’s our time, It’s our moment. Do something great!

We determine our legacy by our actions. However, legacy begets legacy and therefore what we do and how we do it, sets the stage for future legacies.  We all have our own lineage legacies that are the basis for who we are.  It is up to us to carry the torch or change for the future.  It is our moment and our time to shine.

We must influence others to change what is necessary to create a stronger legacy for the future.  We must be the example we want others to follow.

Albert Schweitzer said; “Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it’s the only thing.”

We build our legacy from who we are and who we’ve become.  It is reflected in our actions and our social footprint.  This begins with a deep respect for our deepest values. What is it we hold most sacred? What is our purpose here? What can we pass on or teach? What is our place?  The answers to these questions are determined by our character. Character is the mark left on us by life and will be the mark left on our legacy. It’s the impact we make while we are here and the trace we leave when we are gone.

Character is what defines us.  It’s what people see.  It’s what people will say about us when we are gone.  Character is one of the most important things we have.   Character is cultivated from of our faith, commitment and the responsibility we take for our actions.

John Wooden said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while reputation is merely what others think you are.”

CONCLUSION

Our time is limited. Understanding that life is fragile and not guaranteed is crucial in the decisions we make and actions we take. I believe our greatest responsibility is to honor those who came before us and those who will come after. The legacy we leave will be reflected in the life we live. Our actions today will echo beyond our time, creating our legacy.

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Listen First, Listen Second, Speak When You Understand

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isten firstListening, a task I struggle at. As a coach, trainer and speaker, I tend to be a problem solver. In fact, I think I’m so good, I’ll finish your sentence or thought for you. Why should you waste valuable oxygen. However, I’m finding the oxygen we breath gives a person the ability to take a breath and speak their thoughts, concerns and ideas. In fact, when I allow people to finish their sentence and thoughts, I find many provide valuable solutions or ideas. So as I continue to learn how to control my attention and listen more, I am finding that; from listening comes knowledge and from knowledge comes a true understanding. From understanding comes the wisdom to support or help. And from wisdom, comes the ability to solve problems. The common saying; “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason”, continues to be true throughout the ages. Learn to listen, and you will be more successful.

Self-Leadership, My Most Difficult Challenge

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businesswoman hands holding sign find your way text messageWhy is leading myself more difficult than leading others? I ask myself this question EVERY SINGLE day!

Why do I say or do things I know are wrong (there is a biblical reference here)? It happens at home, work, with my wife, with my co-workers and those I love and lead.

The answer is simple. There are areas I don’t see until they sprout up. In fact, I believe there are times I don’t see myself from a realistic point. I see myself from my intentions, AND others see me through my actions and words.  I should probably also admit that I see my intentions from the training and talks I give.

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While I speak of myself, I am sure I’m not alone.  But how does one address this issue? Answer, look for the blind spots and deal with them! However, how do we identify the blind spots?  I look personally to three source for my self-leadership:

  1. Scripture
  2. My wife
  3. Co-workers and staff

These sources provide direct and/or indirect insights to the areas I need to change or improve.  With this information, I can apply these five principles.

  1. Control Emotions –  Like anyone else, leaders have  emotions.  In fact, I believe a leader’s emotions can be more powerful due to the passion and desire for success they possess.  However, a good leader knows how to control their emotions and display or delay them based on the situation.
  2. Meditate – Leaders are achievers.  And that means they hit the ground running, which leaves little time to stop and think.  Spend 30-45 minutes every morning mediating on the things that matter and planning your day.
  3. Focus Your Effort Where it Matters– A good leader wants to achieve more.  They are never satisfied with their achievements. For me, I tend to want to fix everything and solve everyone’s problems. However, to be effective we must learn to focus our efforts on what really matters.  I heard John Maxwell say, ” You can’t be 100% all the time.” I find that statement very true.  We must identify the times and events where we need to be 100% .  Everything else gets a good effort,  just not our best.
  4. Serve Others – Zig Ziggler said, You can have everything in life, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”  I am finding this to be very true.  Not from a selfish perspective, but simply from putting others first in every action or decision. Throughout my career, I have seen and reaped the benefits of putting others first by gaining their respect, commitment and dedication.  I simply look at it as, “you reap what you sow.”
  5. Get a Coach and/or Mentor – We all need to keep our minds sharp and our thoughts and ideas flowing freely.  Our minds can freeze or we experience those “blind spots” that throw us for a loop.  As a Coach and Mentor, I see the benefit from asking stimulating questions and the ability to seek wisdom and advice from others. I personally have at least five mentors that I can rely on for helping to address questions or walk me through situations.  I sleep better knowing I have access to these individuals.  I also can call several coaching colleagues for encouragement and guidance when needed.

Take the time to evaluate the effectiveness of your self-leadership to these five principles. Then establish a process where you consistently work to apply these principles and improve where needed.

A leader’s greatest challenge and most difficult task, is self-leadership. If you lead yourself correctly, you will influence others and they will follow.  Failure to manage your self-leadership will create a loss of respect and the inability to influence, causing people to leave and follow others.

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INITIATIVE MAKES A LEADER, 30 Quotes That Encourages One to Take Initiative

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InitiativeInitiative is something I write on often.  In fact, my last blog was on initiative, the concept of Ready, Fire, Aim. I continue to write on this subject, because it is something that seems to be lacking in the workforce and leaders in general.  And honestly, it is an area I seem to struggle in.

By definition, leaders cannot wait.  If they do, they are not leaders, but merely followers. I think initiative takes a little bit of faith bathed in risk.  Many times, you must take initiative on something with limited knowledge or insight and rely mostly on your intuition , or “gut felling”.

For those who want to be successful and effective leaders, one must take initiative.  If we never try, we will never know.  In fact, one will always be wondering, “what if”.

The hardest thing about taking initiative, is well, taking initiative.  To help motivate and encourage you to take more initiative, here are 30 quotes that will encourage you to take initiative.

  1. “Genius is initiative on fire”, Holbrook Jackson
  2. “Initiative is doing the right things without being told”, Elbert Hubbard
  3. “Without initiative, leaders are simply workers in leadership positions”, Bo Bennett
  4. “Employers and business leaders need people who can think for themselves – who can take initiative and be the solution to problems”, Stephen Covey
  5. Never relinquish the initiative, Charles de Gaulle
  6. “Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit”, Conrad Hilton
  7. Be willing to make decisions. That’s the most important quality in a good leader. Don’t fall victim to what I call the ready-aim-aim-aim-aim syndrome. You must be willing to fire, T. Boone Pickens
  8. “I would rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not”, Lucille Ball
  9. “If you don’t make dust, you eat dust”, Motto of Jack A. MacAllister
  10. “Eagles don’t flock”,Ross Perot
  11. Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there, Will Rogers
  12. “An idea is worthless unless you use it”, John Maxwell
  13. “Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved”, William Jennings Bryan
  14. “If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to meet it”, Jonathan Winters
  15. “Everyone who’s ever taken a shower has an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference”, Nolan Bushnell
  16. If opportunity doesn’t knock- build a door”-Milton Berle
  17. “You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there”, Edwin Louis Cole
  18. “When eagles are silent, parrots begin to chatter”, Winston Churchill
  19. “Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle”, Orlando Battista
  20. “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing”, Walt Disney
  21. “The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch”, Jim Rohn
  22. “Most people spend their entire lives on a fantasy island called ‘Someday I’ll”, Denis Waitley
  23. “Chance favors those in motion”, James Austin
  24. “Just begin and the mind grows heated; continue, and the task will be completed!”, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  25. “Two sure ways to fail: Think and never do, or do and never think”, Zig Ziglar
  26. “You can’t do everything at once, but you can do something at once”, Zig Ziglar
  27. “If you want to accomplish anything in life, you can’t just sit back and hope it will happen. You’ve got to make it happen”, Chuck Norris
  28. “You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great”, Les Brown
  29. “Implement now, perfect later”, Larry Winget
  30. The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones”, William Faulkner

Initiative and Success