communication

TIPS TO GET BETTER AT SMALL TALK

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

Women drinking coffeeI recently published a blog titled, “8 Personal Habits That Will Ensure A Good First Impression.” Number 8 on that list was “Initiate Relevant Small Talk”.  I discuss the need for relevant small talk and how it can create a connection and lead to building a relationship.  Effective small talk can provide clues in providing a deeper understanding of that person.

Recently I came across an article titled; “15 Tips to Get Better at Small Talk”written by Patti Johnson with SUCCESS Online.

I wanted to share it with you as I found it to be a great companion article addressing the issue of small talk.

1. Get your mind right.

If you spend the week anticipating and worrying because you know you will feel uncomfortable, you’ve set yourself up for failure. Remember why you are going—to celebrate a friend on his or her special day, to meet others who share your interest or connect with your co-workers.

2. Decide who you’d like to meet before you go.

Take a look at who else will be there and plan to meet those who might share something in common. This might be someone who knows a mutual friend, a fellow baseball fan or a business owner living your dream.

3. Make a game out of it.

Trick your mind into making it seem easier and more fun. Commit to at least an hour. Plan to meet at least five people.   Challenge yourself to learn two new things  This mind shift can help tame the anxiety and make the conversation more fun.

4. Take responsibility for meeting others.

Don’t wait for others to approach you. Say hello first. When you expect others to make the first move, you’ll be disappointed. And the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be.

5. Don’t be the sidekick.

Rather than being the shadow of the one person you already know, branch out.

6. Have your “go-to” questions ready.

Starting a conversation with a new person can be hard. Try, “How do you know _____?” “What is keeping you busy these days?” or “What brought you to this area?” It doesn’t have to be complicated, just something to get you started if you you’re new acquaintances.

7. Be interested. Listen more than you talk.

Asking questions is the secret ingredient to interesting conversations.  Stay away from yes/no questions. You can naturally start with easy questions that feel natural, but listen for an interesting comment to explore and build upon.

As an example for how your questions might flow:

  •  How do you know Allison?
  •  I didn’t realize you were a graphic designer. What kind of design do you do?
  •  Why did you decide to get into graphic design?
  •  Oh, I went to school in Miami, too! Where are your favorite places to go when you go back?
  •  Do you think of Miami as home? How did you make the move from there to here?

Within a few questions, you can move to more substance and a real conversation.

8. Be yourself!Business people discussing

No one likes the fake networker. In the interest of being more outgoing, don’t be someone you aren’t. Putting out effort doesn’t mean being fake.

9. Compliment and shift.

Find something that you can genuinely compliment the other person on and then shift to a question so it isn’t awkward.

10. Plan a graceful exit.

Every conversation runs its course, but a natural end is hard. Just say, “It’s been great to meet you, and I hope you have the best vacation next week.” Excuse yourself to do something else and move on.

11. Look for others who want to connect.

I recently went to a large celebration event and only knew the busy host. I noticed another guest taking her time at the snack table and introduced myself. We had a great conversation while those around us caught up with longtime friends.

12. Be an introducer.

If you are talking with someone and another guest looks a little uncomfortable, invite him or her into the conversation. Remember the times when you were that uncomfortable person and try to include others.

13. Don’t be the “hammer looking for the nail.”

Your favorite topic isn’t everyone else’s. You might love your new grill or your favorite book or TV show, but don’t assume everyone else is interested. Gauge the conversation and flow with it.

14. Don’t expect too much.

Not every get-together will result in new friends. That’s OK. You still accomplished your goal of going when it was easier not to—you were there supporting a friend or a co-worker. And that is enough.

15. Get in the habit.

Don’t constrain this habit to social events. Say hello to the person next to you on the plane before you grab your headphones (I’m working on this). Talk to your waiter. Ask your Uber driver about his day. The habit of saying hello and listening is a muscle you can develop by working on it every day.

Try some small talk. You might be surprised where it takes you.

AVOID SENDING THE WRONG MESSAGE, Email and Texting Etiquette for Leaders

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

Fotosearch_k5844859You’ve been there.  You get an email from a colleague that is accusatory or is downright rude and inappropriate.  The email is addressed to several people.  As you read the email, the words and letters begin to form sentences that spark enraged furry from deep down in your gut.  Your ears turn red and your blood pressure spikes.  How dare that so and so….!!!  You react with self-preservation and vigilance by hitting “Reply All”.  In fact, you decide your boss needs to see this, so you “Bcc” him/her.  Through your fit of rage, you unleash a barrage of words that belittle and berate the original sender.  You do it with a grimace and smirk along with the self-gratification the you will defend yourself and your position to the END and that NO ONE will ever question you again!!!  YOU WON!!!

Immediately, after hitting the send button, you receive a text from your boss.  Yes!  He wants to congratulate you on a great response!  Only when you open the text, it says “meet me in my office first thing in the morning.”  Well, you get the picture.

Is this the behavior and response you would expect from a leader?  I would hope not.  However, I see these types of emails and responses every single day.  And yes, I’ve been guilty of some of the harshest.

Email and texting are two of the greatest forms of communication since the invention of the telephone. They have increased productivity by huge percentages.  People are now connected 24/7.  We can email and text our thoughts and ideas anytime, anywhere.  However, email and texting have also been the worst inventions since the telephone.  Now people can email and text their thoughts and ideas anytime, anywhere.  Most of the time this is without any thought or discernment.  Email and texting have taken the place of face-to-face communication or a phone call.  It’s become the easy way out.  Well, that creates problems when connecting and building relationships.

Leaders must understand the role communication and relationships play in leadership.  In order to ultimately influence people and eventually lead them, we must ensure we continue to connect and build sincere relationships.  Emails and texting, perceived in the wrong way, can disconnect people and ruin relationships.

“Email and texting should never be a substitute for face to face communication or even a phone conversation.”

However, if crafted correctly, these tools can be very effective in re-inforcing your ideas, thoughts or desires.

Here are some rules and etiquette for using email and text.  These rules have become very useful and effective and tend to lessen the chance of responding in a destructive or unprofessional manner.

EMAIL

Fotosearch_k7573769When preparing or crafting an email consider the following thirteen (13) suggestions:

  1. First consider a face-to-face meeting or phone conversation before sending an email.  Especially if the subject and content is sensitive or could be wrongly interrupted.
  2. Send the email only to those that absolutely need to know the information.
  3. Only those addressed in the  “TO” field are required/expected to respond.
  4. Anyone addressed in the “CC” field are being included for “information only.”  “CC” those that may help reinforce your message or need.
  5. Those addressed in the “CC” field should not respond unless they have a compelling reason to reinforce the message or if they have additional information considered valuable to the group.
  6. Make sure the “subject” is an accurate depiction of content.  It should include any dates for deadlines, etc.
  7. Content must be specifically related to your “TO” group. Be specific and clearly communicate your desires, wants or actions.
  8. Always begin an email with a positive statement. The first 5-7 seconds of your email can determine the outcome.
  9. There should NEVER be more than two emails discussing the same subject. 
  10. If there is continued disagreement or confusion, you should set up an in person meeting, conference call or video chat.
  11. READ IT BEFORE YOU HIT SEND AND THEN READ IT AGAIN. Read and re-read your email.  Make sure your grammar, spelling and choice of words portrays the intended tone and message.
  12. Emails should NEVER be used to reprimand, counsel or address disagreements. 
  13. When in doubt…….have a face-to-face conversation.

When replying to emails, consider these ten (10) suggestions:

  1. Read and reflect on the email content prior to replying. Your leadership effectiveness is reflected in your response.
  2. Don’t automatically hit “Reply All”.  This should only be used when needed, and with extreme caution.  You should only use “Reply All” when everyone on the “TO” list requires your response.  Most of the time, it is sufficient to only reply to the person who sent the email.
  3. Be Careful with the “Bcc”. The “Bcc:” option allows you to “blind carbon copy” someone on an email without any of the other recipients knowing. It’s useful in certain instances, such as when sending a message where you wish to keep email addresses private, or when you are requesting information from a group and want to get the responses. However, “Bcc’ing” can also backfire! The best “Bcc” rule of thumb: Never use it for sneaky or “I gotcha” reasons!
  4. Avoid Cursing. Cursing in an email is wrong, ALL the time and EVERY time!!!  End of story.  Don’t do it.  What if the email is forwarded? It can also be used as grounds for harassment and a hostile work environment.   What you write is there forever.  I don’t care what Hillary Clinton and the White House say.  Cursing in an email comes off as being ignorant or showing a lacking intelligence.
  5. Use proper grammar.  Don’t write like you speak, but instead like a professional.  Remember, emails are forwarded all the time.  A poorly written email going to the boss or the board can halt a career very quickly.
  6. Respond Regardless. Everyone deserves a response, even if the email was mistakenly sent to you.  A simple, “I got your email”, or “I think this was sent to me by mistake” will let the sender know they are on your radar.  Be smart and respond to those emails that suggest action, etc. Information only emails don’t necessarily require a response.
  7. Be leery of tone. Each person interprets email tone differently.  A well written email can easily be interpreted as a negative with the use of various words.  In addition, many people use all caps.  When you do this, it usually implies YOUR YELLING AT SOMEONE.  Unless that is your intention (which it shouldn’t), use *asterisks* around the word or words you want to highlight.
  8. No cuteness. There is no room in a professional email for cuteness or emotional acronyms.  No smiley faces, pink dogs, LOL, BTW
  9. Include a professional signature. Include a signature.  Your signature should include; your full name, title, work address and phone number.  When using a quote or image, be careful that it does not offend.  Keep everything professional and business appropriate.
  10. READ IT BEFORE YOU HIT SEND AND READ IT AGAIN. Read and re-read your email. Make sure your grammar, spelling and choice of words portray the intended tone and message.

TEXTING

Texting is easy.  In fact, I think it has become the preferred method of communication.  Co-workers are texting each other as they sit cubicle to cubicle.  Parents are texting children in the next room and, in some cases, from the dinner table to the media room.  Texting has become a connivence, it is faster, simpler and easier.  Even though the “phone” is a voice communication device, texting has become the preferred mode when using it.  It is the lazy way to communicate.

Texting is also gaining acceptance as a formal method of business communication. However, when you are texting for business, it is “imperative you always abide by a specific set of professional etiquette rules”, says career coach Barbara Pachter in her book “The Essentials Of Business Etiquette.”

Here are seven (7) texting principles I found to be very helpful:Fotosearch_k26085789

  1. Be careful with abbreviations. Texting is meant to be a fast form of communication, so we tend to use abbreviations and shortcuts such as “np” (no problem) or “u” (you). But there is such a thing as an inappropriate abbreviation. Use only shortcuts that are widely known or recognized. Ultimately, the safest route is to type out the entire word or phrase.
  2. Be aware of your tone. Texting is a fast and easy way to communicate.  Make sure you use words that set your intended, not perceived tone.  Avoid negative words such as failure, wrong or neglected.  Instead, use please and thank you.
  3. Never send bad news via text.  I had an employee resign via text.  I was shocked.  Needless to say, that bridge was burned.  Keep texting positive.
  4. Don’t change meeting times or venues in a text. Not all people live with their phones in their hands waiting for the ding or vibration.  If you change something and communicate via text, you may need to start without your party.  HOWEVER, you can confirm meeting times or venues through text.  Great way to get a headcount or confirm where you need to be.  Just do it early to give the recipient time to respond.
  5. Always double check when using the voice-to-text feature.  Smartphones allow you to speak your message, which the phone then converts to text.  But a lot can be lost in the translation. Make sure you what is showing as text, before you hit the send button.
  6. Don’t text during a meeting or presentation. This is just rude!  Even if you are doing it under the table or behind a book, the presenter can tell.  As a speaker and trainer, it offended me when I see people looking at their phones.
  7. Darn autocorrect!  This bites me often. Watch the auto correct feature.  A great way to beat this problem is to READ your text before you hit send.

By following these simple rules and abiding by proper etiquette, mastering the ability to craft and send effective emails and text can be easy.   I crafted this blog, not only because of my shortcomings, but due to the many frustrations I often feel when I see these not used.  As a student and teacher of leadership, I want to make sure I do everything possible to influence as many people as I can.  I realize how we respond to emails and text can result in positive or negative consequences.  I want to do everything in my power to keep it positive; I hope you will too.

 

GRACE ABOUNDS FOR THE STUPID

/ Denis Baker / 3 Comments

On February 23rd (which is today as I write this blog), my wife and I should be enjoying a very nice dinner at an all-inclusive resort in the fabulous Mexican Riviera Maya.We were to celebrate our 30th Wedding Anniversary. This was to be a time where we would reflect on the last 30 years, both the good and the bad. Our marriage hasn’t always been easy, but it hasn’t always been hard either. Through the grace of God and hard work from each of us, we have taken challenging situations and turned it into a wonderful union. Regardless, 30 years is cause for celebration!th-50

White sands, blue water, 80-degree temperatures and a high UV-Index…SHHHHHH, I can feel the sun on my face and hear the waves crashing. Well, that’s what we should be experiencing…but something horrible happened!

 

 MY passport did not have 6 months validity past the day of return. 

I looked at my passport several times throughout the last few months and I never snapped to it. Marlene (my wife) and I got my passport out of the safe a couple of weeks ago and thought we were good to go. We ASSUMED everything was good. Here’s the thing, my passport doesn’t expire until March 16th and we were to return on March 2nd. What’s the problem? As a last minute precaution, I decided to ensure that I didn’t need any other documentation before traveling. It was then that I noticed the requirement for a 6-month validity. Marlene began a frantic search for the truth and much to our dismay, we found it to be true!

I began to research options. One, I could expedite my renewal and go to the Regional Passport Center and spend the day in hopes of receiving my passport in time for travel. Or two, we could cancel the whole trip and get back a portion of the money already spent. The predicament was this; the deadline for the resort cancellation was the 19th (the same day we found out about the passport issue). FullSizeRenderSo, if we did not cancel that day, we would lose the full payment, but if we cancelled by 6 pm on the 19th, we would only lose a 2-night penalty. After much discussion, research and prayer, we decided to cancel. This was very difficult and disappointing decision. Imagine being in Oklahoma and only days from spending 8 nights on the beach in Mexico! Come on, anyone would be saddened!

To make the best of the situation, Marlene and I identified some things we learned from the experience. After all, if you’re going to mess up, you should at least learn something.

We did learn some things.  Here they are:

FROM MARLENE

The following points are directly from Marlene-

  • YOU NEVER “ARRIVE” -I thought I was beyond making this kind of mistake. The truth is, we are all susceptible to making careless errors.
  • THERE ARE ALWAYS 3 FINGERS POINTING BACK AT YOU – Don’t be quick to look down on others if they don’t have what you consider to be your strong points. Again, just because I pride myself on being organized and on top of things, doesn’t mean some things don’t occasionally slip or “fall through the cracks.”
  • I’M DISAPPOINTED! – There are times of disappointment. Be sad, but then put it into perspective. It’s a disappointment, not a tragedy.

When I came home, it was apparent that Marlene was disappointed and I could see she was dejected. Allow me however, to brag on her a bit. Even though it was a disappointing situation, she was not upset or hateful towards me. In fact, she was the complete opposite and tried to take responsibility herself. She felt liable in planning and working out the details of the trip. Although I truly believe I was responsible, her humility was appreciated.

FROM ME

Here is what I learned:

  • PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL – You must pay attention to detail. Although I glanced at the passport several times, it never occurred to me to check the expiration date.
  • TAKE RESPONSIBILITY – One of the worst things you can do when you make a mistake is point a finger at someone else. Not only does this make you look like you’re skirting around responsibility, but also deflecting ownership will put someone else undeservedly in the “hot seat.” As soon as an error is brought to your attention, accept responsibility in the situation (despite whether or not it could have been avoided). Examine the issue and rectify the situation.
  • AVOID MAKING EXCUSES – Everyone has an excuse for things they’ve done wrong. Excuses don’t eradicate the fact that you made the mistake to begin with. Making an excuse isn’t any different than assigning the blame to someone or something else.
  • FIX IT -Once you realize you’ve made a mistake and acknowledged it, take steps to fix it. My mistake wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility, but my own.  I researched options to rectify the situation, but due to time constraints and the possibility of losing all our money, we chose to cancel the reservation altogether.
  • LEARN FROM IT – It you don’t learn from your mistakes, you wasted a valuable and sometimes expensive opportunity. Marlene and I took a lot of time discussing what each of us could do to prevent a similar situation from happening in the future.  We are in the process of renewing my passport and she has noted her own passport’s expiration date. In response, she has created a calendar notice to make sure her expiration date doesn’t slip past us unknowingly. Remember, every mistake is a valuable opportunity for self-improvement. Embrace the lesson learned and move forward.
  • MOVE ON – It’s okay to be sad and disappointed. However, don’t dwell or hold grudges. YESTERDAY ENDED LAST NIGHT! The mistake has been made, acknowledged, fixed and learned from. Realize that mistakes are inevitable and underneath it all, they can be truly beneficial.

I think the biggest lesson learned from this fiasco was that while we were let down, this situation ultimately brought us closer together and made us both realize how easily errors are made. The way we respond and handle stressful situations determines the outcome.

Although we dream about being on the sand, enjoying the sights and sounds of the ocean, great food and the overall culture of Mexico, we have sincerely moved on and feel at peace from what we’ve learned.

IMG_3367I love the couple that Marlene and I have become. There was a time in our early marriage where something like his would have involved blame and lasting grudges. However, with the leading of our Savior and the commitment we have made to one another, we were able to acknowledge our mistake and move on with a stronger marital bond.

REALLY, YOU LEAD PEOPLE?

/ Denis Baker / 2 Comments

Fotosearch_k15793683

I read an article the other day that touched on leadership behavior.  It sparked an abundance of memories, thoughts and questions that have rolled around in my head for many years.  Quite frankly it made me look deep inside of my soul and check my heart to ensure my actions and motives line up with my moral convictions.

Look, leaders are people.  In fact, many are good people.  There is a very small percentage of leaders that act and behave poorly.  I feel I’ve probably worked for more than most.  My career has been full of poor leaders.  Heck, there are a lot of my past and present employees that might say the same about me.

The whole reason I began my leadership journey was to do everything I could NOT to make the same mistakes or do the same things I have witnessed or gone through.

Through my experience, I have identified 9 things that define poor leaders.  Here they are;

  1. IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU– No it isn’t!  In fact, we probably don’t About.me_iconcare what you did or where you went.  It is about those you lead.  When every conversation and situation is about you, it limits the interaction and contribution of others.  I’ve had many leaders more concerned about how situations affect them, than the one(s) involved or affected.
  2. HEY BUDDY -Considering those you lead as friends.  Not good. Leadership is about relationships, not friendships.  When friends and buddies don’t perform we tend to “sweep” it under the rug or make excuses, rather than hold them accountable.  This creates descension and frustration with other employees.  Build relationships, not friendships.  I’ve seen many leaders lose credibility over the hiring or advancement of friends or relatives many times.  I am not saying you can’t hire employees from the past or those who supported and assisted you at other jobs.  I was the best man at my Director of EHS’ wedding 29 years ago.  However, I bet he will tell you that he is held to the same accountability level as anyone else.  In fact, I expect more out of him, than most.
  3. HORRIBLE LISTENER – blah, blah, blah…….  This leader doesn’t care what you have to say.  They are only concerned with what’s coming out of his mouth.  Their EGO gets in the way.  Hey man, you were given 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.  You need to listen twice as much as you talk.  Give people a chance to say something.  Who knows, what they have to say might solve the problem.
  4. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? -Poor communicators can reduce and harm aculture and frustrate employees quickly. Many employees complain about the lack of communication from leadership.  What are my expectations, Fotosearch_k10378786How is the company performing?, Will there be raises or bonuses this year?  As I coach leaders, I encourage them to have weekly or monthly communication meetings.  This is a time where all they do is communicate key information and allow employees an opportunity to ask questions.
  5. DON’T TEXT ME -Technology is great, but technology has created a diminishing environment of face to face communication.  How many times have you received a text or email and interrupted it as negative?  Texting and emails are very difficult to communicate a tone.  A face to face visit is the best way to properly communicate.  I can see your facial expressions and body language and I can react or change my tone or words to ensure effective communication.  If you can’t meet face to face, call them, and don’t leave a voice mail to cover your items.
  6. REALLY? –Hear’s a thought……Get both sides of the story before you make a decision.  One of the most frustrating things for employees is when a leader makes decisions based on a one sided conversation.  One of the traits of a leader is to be open and accessible.
    However, that doesn’t mean you base your decisions on the conversations of one individual.  I found many times, my accessibility and openness has allowed individuals to voice their displeasure with a supervisor, rule or practice only to find out in my follow-up conversation the individual was disciplined or held accountable for failure to comply with or follow directions, etc.
  7. THAT WILL NEVER WORK– Being cynical is not a trait of a leader.  In fact, it is totally opposite.  I think cynical leaders feel threatened. They must discount or even put down a person’s ideas because they feel as if they are not a leader if they don’t have Fotosearch_k5253244the answer.  Cynical leaders say; “No, that’s not going to work” or, “I don’t know why we are doing this; this is stupid.”  Look, if something is stupid, then the leader needs to fix it.  If something is not worth doing or is going to create major problems, it’s your responsibility to facilitate other ideas.  Regardless, you must thank and encourage those who offer ideas and opinions, not BELITTLE them!
  8. THAT’S DISGUSTING!  –Just because you can say it, doesn’t make it right.  Foul language is wrong and unprofessional.   For some reason, leaders feel they have the right to use foul language and tell questionable stories in front of their staff or employees.  I recently had a leader use very disgusting language in reference to a football game. It stunned the group.  No one knew how to react.  I have had several occasions where leaders would use foul language in an email or text.  Regardless of the communication, it is WRONG!  Some have told me, “you have to talk in the language of the industry”. What?  Come on man!!  If that is the case, then we need to clean up the industry!  It doesn’t matter if you are playing, it is your normal language or if you are angry, foul language is wrong, no matter what!  Whether it’s anger, disgust or this is how you talk to your friends, you can’t bring it to the office.
    I can tell if a person has leadership qualities by the way they talk to others.
  9. YOU CROSSED THE LINE! –Leaders who compromise their integrity for business or profits are FOOLS!   A lack of integrity from leaders doesn’t just annoy employees, it appalls them. In fact, when a leader shows a lack of integrity, employees become de-motivated.  When a boss breaks or fudges the rules, cheats, lies or indulges in behaviors that reveal a lack of moral principles, he loses respect. images7-220x147 respect, you can’t influence.  If you can’t influence, you can’t lead.  In addition, when a leader lacks integrity, he gives employees permission to do the same.  I’ve seen leaders compromise their integrity and moral values to be validated by others.  I have personally seen this take place and the destruction it causes.  A true leader will never comprise their moral integrity for validations.

Being a leader is about doing the right thing and leading by example. You simply cannot have one standard for yourself and one for everyone else. Treat people the way you would want to be treated.

If some of these sound familiar, then do something to correct them immediately.  The longer you continue the easier it is to continue.

WHEN THE EARTH CREATES SHAKY LEGS, A Leader Must Remain on Solid Ground

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

Fotosearch_k21692991It was 5:39 am.  My wife and  I were laying in bed trying to motivate ourselves to get out and start our day.  As we were laying there, I heard a loud rumbling noise, felt the bed shake violently and heard the windows and pictures shaking.  Things were falling and breaking.  My wife started screaming and I grabbed her and laid on top, protecting her from the falling roof.

We had just experienced a 4.3 magnitude EARTHQUAKE!  This scared the tar out of us!I remember getting out of bed (had no problem getting out now), opening the bedroom door and noticing items on the floor.  Walking around the corner, I saw more and more things that had fallen over or fallen on the floor.  We were lucky, nothing broke and the roof didn’t fall on us.  After calming myself down and holding tight to my shaking wife, I realized everything was ok.  Getting out of bed, I noticed my legs were shaking. My hands were trembling and I had that nervous feeling in my stomach.  A quick look around revealed things had fallen, but nothing had broken.  The house didn’t have any cracks and it appeared all my bricks were still in place on the exterior.

We live in a suburb northeast of Oklahoma City.  If you have watched or read the news in the last few years, you have probably heard that Oklahoma has become one of the most active earthquake zones in the world.  So, we are use to a few jolts here and there.  Most are in the 3 –shake 3.5 magnitude range.  We can feel them and they can be unsettling.  However, I can’t recall anything as jolting as this one.  The ironic thing is I left that morning on a business trip while my wife continued to experience smaller earthquakes and multiple aftershocks.  In fact, she counted 30 that day.  However, even though I had left town, my legs were shaky.  My nerves were somewhat on edge.  As I returned home the next day, I went to bed wondering if I was going to experience another earthquake and how big would it be this time.

Now I know that many have experienced earthquakes much stronger with resulting damage and injuries.  I am not taking anything away from you or those times and I feel for anyone who has experienced it.

Now your probably thinking, exciting, scary stuff, but what does this have to do with leadership?  I’m getting there, just chill.

During this whole ordeal, I realized that people need someone to follow.  Someone who can lead when things are unsettling.  They are looking for direction. They want to follow someone who is in control and can provide a calm meaningful dialogue.  they are looking for people that can provide solutions.

Here are 4 things I realized people look for in a leader when things get a little scary.

  1. REMAIN CALM – I’ve realized others are looking for those they admire to remain calm in all situations, especially when the outcome is unknown or can be life-altering.  Have courage to do what is necessary.  I am not saying there is no fear, but tFotosearch_k27360163
    he fear must not control you.  Fear is contagious.  If someone senses fear in you, they will become fearful. Your family or employees need to believe you are in control, if you exhibit a calm and confident approach approach, they will have confidence you can make smart right decisions.
  2. KEEP EVERYTHING POSITIVE – Everyone is watching you!  Are you calm? How are you reacting to the situation? My wife screamed and cried when the earthquake hit. I reacted by getting on top of her and telling her things were going to be ok. You don’t think I wanted to do the same? What if, I started screaming and panicking?  I think there would have been a lot more screaming.  One thing I have become very aware of is when you become a leader, EVERYONE is watching your actions, behavior, relationships and overall demeanor.  You must maintain a strong positive attitude, smile often and exhibiting a sense of compassion.
  3. COMMUNICATE YOUR THOUGHTS, DESIRES AND INTENTIONS – You must communicate clearly and concisely during an event.  Tell them exactly what you want them to do and then tell them again. Communicating in difficult situations is crucial for both setting the expectations and a successful outcome.  Be sure to use inflection your voice and maintain the volume necessary for everyone to hear.  Be short, quick and expedient in your demands and orders.  I’ve found people react well to calm commanding directions.
  4. REMEMBER YOU’Fotosearch_k21376380VE BEEN HERE BEFORE – Keep your composure, you have been in similar situations before.  Calm and composed leaders that reflect they have been through difficult times before, exude a strong presence with a sense of elegance and grace. This will give you a genuinely compassionate approach to ease the minds and fears anyone may be experiencing.

When things go bad or wrong, and they will, it is the leader that influences the outcome.  Whether it is family, friends or employees, they are watching everything you do, listening to everything you say and looking for direction.  I will admit I was terrified when the earthquake hit.  But I also realized very quickly that I had control of the immediate outcome with my wife.

Sure I had to reflect on what happened and what I did during those few minutes to identify these 4 things above.  However, I
realize there is a leadership lesson in everything that happens.  I have come to the conclusion that I define who a leader is and what a leader does, the more I understand how to use the information and training I’ve gained.

I hope you will take the four items above and learn how to apply them in your life and prepare for the unexpected.  After all………you are a leader!

A YEAR IN REVIEW. My Reflective Evaluation of 2015

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment


texas-2015yearinreview-article-article-201512090911

2015 is coming to a close and 2016 is quickly approaching.  For me personally…the end of 2015 can’t come soon enough.  However, 2015 was a year of growth for me.  I was challenged with decisions and actions.  I was challenged personally and professionally.  Let me share the highlights;

2015 CHALLENGES

  • I made a temporary job change in January.  I left my current job and took another (see blog post, “CEO For A Week”) for 8 days.  Realizing that was a mistake, I returned back to my current position.  However, that put me behind and I played “catch up” all year.  I had to repair and rebuild relationships.  I definitely took several steps back.
  • We had 2 serious injuries in the 1st Quarter.  For the first time in 18 months, I had two employees seriously injured.  As a Safety Professional, that is not what you want to see.
  • The overall oil and gas business suffered and we had to make some cuts within the organization.
  • I had to make a very difficult decision and lay-off one of my EHSS Representatives.  That created a void that had to be filled by myself and others.
  • My daughter lost her first baby; meaning my wife and I lost our first grand baby.  Many tears were shed and many prayers and healing took place.th-49
  • My mother had triple by-pass while my father suffered multiple respiratory issues. This required much attention and commitment from my wife and myself.

2015 SUCCESSES

  • I got back the job I loved so much.
  • After a very rough first quarter, the company went the remainder of the year (10 months) without any other serious injuries.  Our employees overcame and succeeded!
  • Our company continues to perform at a level greater than most of our competition.
  • My staff has stepped up and filled the void of our downsizing and we have accomplished more in 10 months than any of us expected!
  • We have increased our manufacturing capacity and reduced redundant quality issues.
  • My son-in-law and daughter moved to the OKC area!!  Great having them close to us.
  • My daughter is pregnant and I will be a GRANDFATHER in APRIL 2016!!!!
  • My mom has recovery nicely from her triple by-pass and is more active than she has been in 20 ears.  My 82 yr old father is healthy and continues to be active in retirement.
  • MY MOTHER-IN-LAW GOT MARRIED!!!! (you read what you want in the statement)
  • Marlene and I celebrated 29 years of marriage!!  I love the women so much and can’t imagine what I would do without her.
  • I increased my leadership through self-growth!
  • I was elected to the OK Safety Council Board of Directors and the Porches of Arbor Creek HOA Board of Directors.
  • I was Keynote Speaker at a record number of events and conducted a record number of leadership training.

Well you get the idea.  I hope I didn’t bore you.  Here is what I learned from this exercise.  Sure 2015 was a challenging year.  However, I realized that my SUCCESSES far outweighed my CHALLENGES.  Believe it or not, I just realized that by writing this blog.  I understand the frustrations and challenges we all have in life.  However, I have come to see that success will come.  Sometimes you just need to peel pack the layers to find them all.

REVIEW PROCESS

Alaska. Chugach Mts. Portage Glacier and Portage Lake, mountain reflection in water.

I conducted this year-end review by identifying my successes and challenges by “reflective evaluation”.  So, what does the term “reflective evaluation” mean ?  Reflective evaluation is self-created term I used to extract value from past experiences by knowing where we started, where we stand currently and where we want to go.

 

How did I achieve this?  By doing the following:

  1. I take time to reflect in a quiet place.  Usually at work or the hotel room before 6 am.
  2. I always include time in my daily routine to reflect on my personal and professional goals and objectives.  The month of December is when I will reflect and evaluate for the closing year.
  3. I look at what was achieved and where I fell short.  I list what was good and bad and positive and negative about each.  I AM TRUTHFUL and IT HURTS!
  4. I always fill in my personal goals and objectives as I work on and hopefully complete each one.  This allows me to easily evaluate my actions and what needs to be changed, modified or stretched.
  5. I look forward. I am always looking at how I can stretch my goals and the goals of those who work with me.  This allows me and my group to always look for opportunities to EXCEED evaluationEXPECTATIONS!

Be it very simple and plain, this is what I do in my reflective evaluation process.  It is very effective in producing a practical and accurate portrayal of my performance and/or the performance of my group.

Those who don’t reflect and evaluate will continue to muddle through the days, weeks, months and even years being cultivated by the forces of a culture, social pressures and personal weaknesses.  In contrast, those who reflect and evaluate will create a firm foundation that leads them to the road of success.  People who reflect and evaluate will know what to do and when to do it.  They will navigate the open road along with the winding curvy mountainous roads to success.

I strongly encourage you to reflect and evaluate 2015.  Where did you come from? , Where are you now?, and Where do you want to go?

Do it now for a successful 2016!!

2016 New Year celebration display with the date outlined with fiery sparklers in green and blue on a black background

THE RIGHT ROUTINE RESULTS IN SUCCESS

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

morning-routineAs I grow in my leadership, I realize the importance of creating a daily routine that will  drive my thoughts and actions for that day.   What I do at the beginning of each day and throughout the day are very important to the others days, weeks and even months.  What we think and do now, has a direct outcome on the future.

 

I thought I would share what I do to ensure my heart and attitude are right for the day’s activities and the interactions with others.

Here are 6 things I do every day to ensure I am fully prepared to succeed in whatever is planned or whatever unplanned events may come my way.

  1. Up By 4:30 AM – I get up early. I love being at the office and watch the sun come up.  It seems to inspire me.  Getting up at that time also allows me to complete the next 5 steps.  In addition, scientific evidence has shown getting up early will:  help your performance, make you more reliable, be more alert, stress less and loose more weight (not that you ladies need to).
  2. GET MY HEART RIGHT – I’ve come to know the great importance of beginning my day in prayer and reading the word of God.  This prepares  my heart and soul for the day activities.  I spend 30-45 minutes doing this.  It ensures I have the right mindset and attitude to interact and work with people, solve problems and to fully engage myself in the conversations and activities throughout the day.  I spend a big part of my day providing coaching and at times guidance to fellow employees.  My heart must be right, to give the right advice or coaching.
  3. PRIORITIZE – I have a list.  Every morning I review it, add to it, subtract from it, move things up or down, write notes out to the side of some, put ? marks on others.  I identify what is essential for that day. I prioritize for the days activities.  However, I also spend a little effort and time to determine what items are critical for tomorrow’s activities and the weeks to come.  I found the tI must not only plan for today but also the future.  I also know the tI must realize that some things can b put off for another day.  YOU CANNOT TACKLE EVERYTHING…….trying to will drive you mad!! Check your list multiple times a day and be flexible to re-prioritize as needed.
  4.  PERSONAL GROWTH – If you don’t invest in yourself, then you can’t invest tin others. Part of my morning is spent reading listening or watching a video to ensure my grow as a leader and professional. I use to hate to read.  Now, I just dislike it.  But I also realized that reading stimulates my thoughts, ideas and affects my actions (consider what you read). It also stirs up a sense of adventure, encourages me and  grows my vocabulary.  Find what motivates you.  But remember, this is your time, use it wisely.
  5. BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS – This is different from networking. Networking is positioning yourself within a professional setting through acquaintances .  Networking is not relational, but can produce relationships. Relationships are investing in others. It is the glue that holds people together.  Relationships allow  you to build trust through adding value and eventually influencing. Spend your morning and time throughout the day to send that email or call that person and see how they are doing and what you might be able to help with.
  6.  FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS –  Distraction can be is disastrous!!  Be sure and know when social media is appropriate and when your focus needs to be completing the task at hand.  It seems these days that every free mental moment is used to accept friend request, check that snapchat picture or grow our linked network.  Hey….that stuff will be there later.  However, if you don’t perform it might mean you don’t have a job.  I am very selective when accepting calls or emails.  Every hour I th-45will check my voice and email mails and respond to those that require my attention. Social media and conversations are reserved for breaks and lunches.  Now understand, situations change and there are always exceptions to the rule.

When we get the right routine, results follow.  Unfortunately when we have the wrong routine or no routine at all, results can suffer.  Invest the time and effort to create a routine that ensures your success.  Stick with it.  Make adjustments when necessary.  However,
have a routine and you will benefit from it.

5 STAGES OF LEADERSHIP

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

5 STAGES TO BECOMING A LEADERWithout influence there is no leadership.  John Maxwell states, “leadership develops daily, not in a day” Leadership is a process. In the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell states, “Champions don’t become champions in the ring, they are merely recognized there.” People who aspire to become great leaders, must relate to the boxer. They must progress through the stages with hard work and determination for success. One must however, realize the stages within the process and what each entails. After all, each stage within the process, ultimately allows the leader to influence.

Through my development of leadership training material, speaking on the subject and coaching business professionals, I have concluded that leadership is achieved through a simple five (5) stage process that culminates with influence.

The five stages to leadership are:

STAGE 1 – CONNECTING with people

STAGE 2 – Building a sincere RELATIONSHIP

STAGE 3 – Creating TRUST

STAGE 4 – Adding VALUE

STAGE 5 – Ultimately INFLUENCING their decision process

Let’s take a look at each stage within the leadership process;

 STAGE 1 – CONNECTING

Connecting with people is the first stage in becoming a leader.  There is no influence without first connecting.  In the book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, John Maxwell states, “Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them”.   One must look for opportunities to come along side employees and meet them where they are.  An intentional effort must be made getting to know employees.  Spend as much times as possible getting to know them, their families, their hobbies, and eventually what they like and don’t like or what works and doesn’t work.  To efficiently connect with people, do the following:

  • Don’t take anyone for granted – Value everyone and every task they perform, regardless of their position.
  • Convince them that you want to make a difference – If you don’t believe in it, how will they?
  • Follow up and follow on – I say it all the time, “Action is Traction”. Look for small and quick things that you can address. Start getting their buy-in by winning in the little things.
  • Look for common ground – I look for things in common. For me it’s baseball, NASCAR.  Listen in your conversations and key in on things that you have in common.
  • Be honest and transparent – Honesty and humility go a long way in connecting with people. Leave the arrogance at home.
  • Once you feel a connection, move on – You must complete the connection  before moving on to any other stage. Without it, there is no other stage.

When you connect with employees, you position yourself to make the most of your efforts, thus creating an environment for performance.  Connecting creates the foundation for moving to the next step, building a sincere relationship.

 STAGE 2 – REALATIONSHIPS

In his book, My Personal Best, author John Wooden writes; “There is a choice you have to make in everything you do, so keep in mind that in the end, the choice you make makes you”.  Nowhere is this more evident and true than in the relationships you build.  Building a sincere relationship is the second stage of the leadership process.  Relationships are sacred. When we connect with people, we must maintain that connection by building a relationship. That simply means spending time with employees. Helping them solve problems, standing with them in the rain, snow and heat. Being there to hear their struggles and concerns. Relationships are the key to creating trust. In the relationship stage, employees begin to trust you. In the book, Beyond Talent, Maxwell outlines mutual enjoyment, respect, shared experiences, trust and reciprocity as the five signs of a solid relationship.   Steven Covey said, “The relationship neither makes the issue any less real or important, nor eliminates the differences in perspective.  But it does eliminate the differences in personality and position and creates a positive cooperative energy focused on thoroughly understanding the issues and resolving them in a mutually beneficial way.”  Building relationships creates trust.

STAGE 3 – TRUST

Steven Covey said, “Trust is the glue of life.  It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that upholds all relationships”.  Trust is crucial in the leadership process. In fact, trust is the foundation of leadership. Trust can be described simply by comparing it to pocket change.  Every good decision puts change in your pocket.  Every poor decision takes change out of your pocket. The key is to increase your pocket change, rather than always paying it out. Sure we all make mistakes.  And each mistake cost us change from our pocket. However, employees are tolerant of mistake as long as we are transparent, quick to humility and strive to regain their confidence.

John Maxwell shares three qualities a leader must exhibit to gain trust; competence, connection and character. Violate anyone of these three qualities and you will loose the trust of those who follow. Trust is doing what’s right because it’s right.  I don’t think anyone can remain a leader if he or she continues to make poor decisions and break the trust of employees. In fact, a leader can’t be a leader if there is no trust, because trust leads to influence. If people don’t trust you, you can’t have influence. Without influence, you can’t lead.

STAGE 4 – VALUE

Adding value is the work of the three stages above. If you have properly connected with your employees and built a sincere firm relationship through trust, then I believe you have the tools and knowledge to add value to them. Zig Ziglar said. “I had to live in the desert before I could understand the full value of grass in a green ditch.” Value is achieved by understanding what is important to those you influence or desire to influence.

Let’s make sure we are all on the same page. I am not talking about the monetary value of something, but rather the value gained through effort. You add value through respect. Respect is gained not in the normal things, but rather the difficult right things. One must be viewed as competent and credible before respect is given. John Maxwell said, “While poor leaders demand respect, competent leaders command respect”. As leaders become more and more credible their command for respect become more and more evident. Value takes more than just “telling” , but rather one must demonstrate commitment and consistency in the activities and actions relating to safety.

Proactive value should be the basis for all activities and goals and objectives. Proactive professionals are smartly driven individuals looking to read reality and know what’s needed. Professionals who look to manipulate begin a series of distrust which tends to cause relationships to dissolve and the loss of leadership. Albert Einstein said ,”Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value”. If the organization see’s the value in the direction, activities and actions, then the door to influence is open.

 STAGE 5 – INFLUENCE

Ultimately, the goal is to influence all levels with in the organization in the direction that provides the most successful outcome. Influence is what we need to lead. Without influence no one can achieve anything.  Leaders must learn to influence without authority. If you want to lead, you must become a person of influence.

Leadership is achieved by completing these 5 stages.  But remember, leadership is influence………….

If you can’t learn how to influence, you can’t be a leader.

 

INFLUENTIAL LEADERS ARE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATORS, 10 Principals to Becoming a Better Communicator

/ Denis Baker / Leave a comment

 Influential

GREAT LEADERS ARE GREAT COMMUNCIATORS.! I can’t think of any influential leader that is not a good communicator. Think about it. Everyone you respect as a leader can communicate effectively in every situation, good or bad, stressful or easy, big or small. As leaders, the way we approach and talk to people has a direct impact on the outcome. I wanted to write this piece because of my past (and sometimes present) way of approaching people and interacting with them. This is an area I have been working very hard on.

When I think about influence, I think about the initial contact, interaction and then the forthcoming communication1communication. Throughout my career, I have come to realize that influential people and those who have great interactive skills are able to recognize the situation and adjust their approach quickly to enable the most effective outcome.

To become an influential leader, you must learn to anticipate the reaction of people and use the correct tone and inflection to motivate the employee to react and respond appropriately. Remember, leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. So we must develop a communication method that allows for influence.

We all communicate, right? But what is communication? Ask anyone on the street and they will likely include the word, “talking”. Well, communicating definitely includes talking. But, is it simply talking? I define talking as a prearranged group of vowels and consonants expelled with an abundance of hot air to address a particular thought or answer. So I concede that communication does include talking certainly; however, communication must go beyond talking and into connecting.

In John Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates, But Few Connect, he discusses communication going way beyond words as revealed through a study conducted by UCLA Professor, Albert Mehrabian. Professor Mehrabian discovered that face-to-face communications could be broken down into three components: words, tone of voice, and body language. What may come as a surprise is that in some situations, what people see us do and the tone we use can far outweigh any words we say whth-33ile trying to communicate. If we can maximize the use of these three components in a conversation then we can become very effective communicators resulting in a positive interaction and greater ability to influence.

How do you become a better communicator and ultimately an Influential Leader? Through my own study and desire to improve, I have come up with 10 principles you can use to improve. Follow these and have greater influence.

  1. Know Who You are Talking To or Dealing With – Leaders who communicate effectively realize they are responsible for their reactions and are very careful to create a non-threatening atmosphere. They always seem to be in control of a conversation, but not over-powering. They don’t worry about sounding important, having power or being the “expert.” Instead, they think about what needs to be addressed and ultimately what needs to be said. They are thoughtful about how they can deliver this message so that people will be able to hear it.  Leaders communicate expectations and tell people what’s important for them to know, even if it’s negative.
  2. Evaluate Body Language – Influential Leaders constantly track people’s reactions to their message. You must recognize the changes in body language including facial expressions, body stances, etc. Is the person facing you, looking down or rolling his/her eyes? Body language is feedback. Many times, this is the only feedback you will get. Learn to read body language and you can tailor your message to adjust the way we interact as needed.
  3. Be Honest and Factual – People who are influential leaders are honest in their communication. They don’t stretch or exaggerate the circumstances. They certainly don’t lie to make their point or look good to others. They are transparent people that admit if they don’t have all the facts or can’t share information.   They don’t use the politician method of creating circular answers that never address the issue. Influential leaders understand that lies and half-truths create dissention, distrust and anxiety.
  4. Be Who You Are Regardless of the Situation- Don’t be someone you’re not! People will find out the real you. Position or prestige doesn’t change who you are. Look at professional athletes. They become rich and famous, but they are who they are regardless of the amount of money they have or how many highlight reels they make. There’s a reason Mark Zuckerberg presented Facebook to investors in a hoodie and jeans. This is who he is and he knows the value of staying true to who he is. People will be open and allow you to influence if they believe you are who you and nothing more.
  5. Speak With Authority and Conviction – If you believe it, then say it! Don’t use words that you can’t say or don’t know the meaning of. President George W. Bush was the master of making up words. This often watered down or moved the focus from his points. However, he often spoke with authority and conviction giving credibility to his thoughts and desires. Influential Leaders speak directly to and with authority in the things they are passionate about and are clear on their desires and intended outcomes.
  6. Speak to Groups as Individuals – Leaders rarely have the luxury of speaking to one person at a time. Whether they’re addressing a toolbox topic or conducting a keynote with 5,000 people, influential leaders know how to work the crowd or group and make every single person feel as if he or she is being spoken to directly.
  7. Use Your Ears for More Than Hanging Glasses – Influential leaders realize that listening is far more than hearing. They understand that we listen not to reply, but to understand. When someone else is speaking, great communicators aren’t thinking ahead and planning what they’ll say next. Instead, they’re actively listening, fully focused on understanding the other person’s perspective. Leaders must listen to employees and seek to understand their concerns, hesitations and struggles.
  8. Be Humble – Influential leaders are not afraid to use phrases such as; “It’s My Fault,” “I Was Wrong,” and “I’m Sorry”. Humble leaders admit mistakes right away and are not driven by drama or false humility.
  9. Ask for Feedback – Influential leaders are always looking for ways to improve their communication and interaction. They are not afraid to ask how they can become better and more effective. They realize we see and hear our actions and words based on our intent, while others see and hear through our actual actions and words. If you are good, asking for feedback will make you better. If you are bad, it will improve you.   Either way, you will become better at communicating and interacting.
  10. Be Proactive, Not Reactive – Influential Leaders are proactive in responding to situations and rumors by being open and transparent in their communications. They are very clear in their directions and expectations and are always providing necessary feedback to ensure people don’t waste their time on things that don’t matter.

InfluenceAs I stated at the beginning, “Influential Leaders must become effective communicators. You will stand out and people will be drawn to you. Is it because of your effective influence or your destructive influence? When you implement these 10 principles, you become a better communicator with greater influence.