19 BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR BUILDING INFLUENCE

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Side view of business people holding hands and walking through m

John Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.”

If leadership is influence, how does one influence? 

One of the best books for teaching practical influence is Dale Carnegie’s, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”  This book provides the reader practical principles that lead to the efficient influencing of others.

I have read this book at least five times and use the information daily to increase my influence and validate my perspective on how I influence others. I wanted to share my version of Dale’s principles.

My principles for influence are:

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain – Instead, try to understand their position and what is causing you to criticize, condemn or complain.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation – Freely praise, recognize and appreciate the efforts, and accomplishments of others. People cherish your words and will keep them over a lifetime!
  3. Become genuinely interested in other people – If you want others to respect you, help you help yourself, and partner with you to achieve success, make this principle a part of your character.
  4. Smile – We send messages through our facial expressions. Smiling brightens the lives of all who see it.
  5. What’s in a Name? – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Approaching any situation using a person’s name will reduce negativity, increase your influence and add validity to the words you say.
  6. Be a good listener – Encourage others to talk about themselves. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are about you and your problems.
  7. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest – Talking in terms of the other person’s interest keeps them engaged and pays off for both parties.
  8. Make the other person feel important, and be sincere – Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen for hours.
  9. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it – All arguments do is show the arrogance in your pride and a lack of humility.
  10. Show respect for the other person’s opinion – Never say “you’re wrong.” Instead, use diplomacy.
  11. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically – Remember the old proverb, “by fighting you never get enough, but by yielding, you get more than you expected.”
  12. Begin in a friendly way – Remember what Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  13. Who cares where the idea came from – Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers. Influence is achieved by teamwork, not arrogance.influence others
  14. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view – An increased tendency to always think regarding the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.
  15. Challenge the Person -Every successful person wants a chance of self-expression, the opportunity to prove one’s worth.
  16. Begin with praise and honest appreciation – The first 30 seconds of any conversation should include praise, gratitude or thankfulness or general good will. Open every email or correspondence with the same thoughts.
  17. Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly – Learn how to point out errors and opportunities for improvement by encouraging the person, rather than discouraging them. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  18. Ask questions, instead of giving direct orders – Information informs, questions transform! All direct orders do is create resistance between the giver and receiver.
  19. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to – Help the other person to succeed. Be aware of their faults and coach them to success.

Apply these 20 principles and begin to see your influence increase and your leadership of others grow.

 

What Message Are You Sending? 8 Principles for Sending Effective Text- Part 3 of 3

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Here are seven (8) texting principles I found to be very helpful:Fotosearch_k26085789

  1. Be careful with abbreviations. Texting is meant to be a fast form of communication, so we tend to use abbreviations and shortcuts such as “np” (no problem) or “u” (you). But there is such a thing as an inappropriate abbreviation and acronym.
  2. Watch your tone. Texting is a fast and easy. Make sure you use words that set your intended, not perceived tone.
  3. Never send bad news via text. I had a CEO fire two VP’s via text. I was shocked. Guess he was scared of them. Keep texting positive or neutral.
  4. Don’t change meeting times or venues in a text.  However, you can confirm meeting times or places through text.
  5. Double check when using the voice-to-text feature.  The translation can be tricky.
  6. Don’t text during a meeting or presentation. This action is just rude!  Even if you are doing it under the table or behind a book, the presenter can tell.  As a speaker and trainer, it offends me when I see people looking at their phones.
  7. Darn, autocorrect!  This feature bites me often. Watch the auto correct feature.  An excellent way to fix this is to READ your text before you hit send.
  8. Don’t text and drive – This is a killer. 35% of all vehicle fatalities involve texting and driving. Even people who text and drive, hate people who text and drive.

textingBy following these simple rules and abiding by proper etiquette, mastering the ability to craft and send valid emails and text can be easy.   I crafted this blog, not only because of my shortcomings but also my frustrations.

How we respond to emails and text can result in positive or negative consequences and determine our influence on others. Spend the effort and time to make sure your texts and emails reflect your intended message.

What Message Are You Sending? PART 2 of 3 – 11 Rules and Etiquette for Crafting and Sending Effective Emails

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The way you craft or respond to an email determines the effectiveness of your words. That drives the intended outcome and creates the influence you desire.

When replying to emails, consider these ten (11) suggestions:

  1. Organize your words and paragraphs to make it easy for readers to follow and understand.
  2. Reflect on the email content before replying. Your leadership effectiveness is reflected in your response.
  3. Don’t automatically hit “Reply All.”  This should only be used when needed and with extreme caution.  You should only use “Reply All” when everyone on the “TO” list requires your response.  Most of the time, it is sufficient to only respond to the person who sent the email.
  4. Be Careful with the “Bcc.” The “Bcc:” option allows you to “blind carbon copy” someone on an email without any of the other recipients knowing. It can be useful in some cases when you wish to keep email addresses private.
  5. Avoid Cursing. Cursing in an email is just wrong. Don’t do it. Swearing in an email comes off as being ignorant or showing a lacking intelligence.
  6. Use proper grammar.  Don’t write like you speak. Remember, emails are forwarded all the time.
  7. Respond Regardless. Everyone would deserve a response, even if the email were mistakenly sent to you.  A simple, “I got your email,” or “I think this was addressed to me by mistake” will let the sender know you got the message.
  8. Be leery of tone. Each person interprets email tone differently.  A well-written email can easily be interpreted as a negative with the use of various words.  Many people use all caps. Doing this implies YOUR YELLING AT SOMEONE.
  9. Don’t Be Cute There is no room for cuteness or EMOJI’s, inappropriate pictures, etc.
  10. Include a professional signature. Include; your full name, title, work address and phone number.  When using a quote or image, be careful that it does not offend.
  11. Read it, then reread it. Read and re-read your email. Make sure your grammar, spelling, and choice of words portray the intended tone and message.

What Message Are You Sending? PART 1 of 3 – 10 Rules and Etiquette for Crafting and Sending Effective Emails

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email 2You’ve been there.  You get an email accusing you of some action or lack of action. The tone is rude and inappropriate.  The sender includes several people, many who have no reason to be involved. As you read what is written, the words spark enraged anger from deep within your soul.

You immediately react by hitting “Reply All.”  In fact, you want to vindicate yourself, so you “Bcc” your supervisor. Through your rage, you unleash a barrage of words that support your position.

Immediately, after hitting the send button, you receive a text from your boss.  Yes!  He wants to congratulate you on an excellent response!  Only when you open the text, it says “meet me in my office first thing in the morning.”

Emails and texting, perceived in the wrong way, can lessen or eliminate the influence email-logoyou have with your staff or groups. The relationships you spent months or maybe years to build and foster are now in jeopardy.

Email and texting should never be a substitute for face to face communication or phone conversation. However, if crafted properly, these can be useful in reinforcing your ideas and increasing your influence.

In part 1 of my 3 part series, I provide 10 rules and etiquette for crafting and sending using emails.

I find these very useful and productive to lessen the chance of responding in a destructive or unprofessional manner.

EMAIL

When preparing or an email consider the following 10 suggestions:

  1. First, consider a face-to-face or phone call before sending an email. 
  2. Send the email to those that absolutely need to know.  
  3.  “CC” people for information only.  “CC” responses should only be sent if the data reinforce or add additional pertinent information.
  4. Make sure the “subject” accurately depicts the content.
  5. Content must be specifically related to your “TO” group. Be precise, concise, and clear.
  6. Begin the email with a positive statement. Sets the tone for the responses.
  7. Continued disagreement or confusion, set up an in person meeting, conference call or video chat.
  8. READ IT BEFORE YOU HIT SEND AND THEN READ IT AGAIN. Read and re-read your email.  Make sure your grammar, spelling, and choice of words portray the intended tone and message.
  9. Emails should NEVER be used to reprimand, counsel or address disagreements. 
  10. When in doubt…….have a face-to-face conversation.

Real Integrity

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I was talking with a group of people the other day when one of them began talking about how much integrity they had and how they strive to do the right thing always. That statement caught me by surprise because I know this person and have had many discussions concerning their lack of integrity. It made me realize two things.

  1. If you have to tell someone you have integrity, you probably don’t.
  2. Authentic integrity is built within a person’s character through their actions.

Genuine integrity is the foundation of a person’s credibility. Credibility creates confidence, and that confidence allows influence.

“Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do” – Don Gater.

Someone once said,

“You are already of consequence in the world if you are known as a man of strict integrity”.

That’s how essential integrity is in your personal life. In fact, if you have nothing else, authentic integrity will catapult you past everyone else.

Dwight Eisenhower said, “The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible.”

I agree with Eisenhower. I cannot emphasize enough about the importance of having genuine integrity if you want real leadership in your life.

Integrity gives you so much credibility, trust, confidence, influence and much more.

Be a person of integrity and be a person who people want to follow.

10 Actions To Increase Your Influence With Others

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Want to be influential? Do these 10 things.

  1. ENCOURAGE – Start every conversation with something positive about the person or group you are addressing within the first 30 seconds. People are motivated by encouraging words.
  2. UNDERSTAND YOURSELF – When I think about what needs to happen or take place, I reflect on how my actions, my conversations, and my vision will affect others. I’ve realized that my performance is a direct reflection of my leadership.
  3. KNOW WHAT OTHERS GO THROUGH- Understand the trials and troubles others go through by being a part of their day. Good leaders become someone who listens to their people, not to reply, but to understand. Get in tune and know the people you lead and you will increase your influence.
  4. REALIZE EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT – They understand Good Leaders Ask Great Questions (read this book from John Maxwell). The right questions will uncover a person’s interests and what motivates them. I think it is important to connect by finding common ground and nurturing relationships.
  5. HELP OTHERS – I have learned when we are first to offer assistance and aid, we begin connecting in such a way that our relationship allows us to influence. Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
  6. ADD VALUE – Add value by finding out what is important to those you lead. The value will look different in every situation. A good leader will ask great questions to identify what value looks like.
  7. SHARE STORIES AND EXAMPLES – As a speaker, I’ve learned the importance of sharing good relevant stories. As a leader and professional, I’ve recognized the importance and effectiveness of sharing good stories with those I influence. People want to see the human side of leaders. I believe stories create a sense of belonging and connect us through life’s similarities.
  8. NO STRINGS ATTACHED – Christopher Reeve said: “Success is finding satisfaction in giving a little more than you take.” When we give without any strings attached, we will benefit professionally and personally and professionally.
  9. REMEMBER NAMES -Learn the names of those you meet and associate with. Few sounds are as sweet to a person as hearing their spoken name, few sounds are as irritating when you refer to someone by the wrong name. Remembering names, shows you value them.
  10. ACKNOWLEDGE STRENGTHS – I think one of the best ways to gain influence is to recognize a person’s strengths. Areas of their personality or employment that seems to tie them well to the organization. In fact, they will want to “Exceed Expectations,” not just meet them.

InfluenceWe all have influence, big and small. We all have things we are gifted or talented. Things we leverage by adding value to others. Whether it is our attitude, problem-solving skills or simply just our ability to laugh, we should be sharing our knowledge, experience, and influence. Employees respond to influence. We should work hard to increase our influence by adding real value every day. Do this, and you will improve your leadership. You’ve heard it before, “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” People respond to influence. We must work to increase our influence by adding value every day. Do this, and you will increase your leadership. You’ve heard it before, “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.”

We must work to increase our influence by adding value every day. Do this, and you will increase your leadership. To lead others, you must influence! Do these 10 actions regularly, and watch your influence grow!

TRANSFORMATIONAL INFLUENCE. The Unexpected Changing of Lives in the Midst of Hurricane Harvey

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RAIN TOTALS

As a Native Houstonian, I am experiencing survivor’s guilt. It is heartbreaking to see family and friends suffering, houses being lost from flooding every day. I moved from Houston 6 years ago, and there is very little I can do but pray and encourage. I am also a first responder in my heart. God has given me the talent to keep people safe, and I am unable to do that. Even though there are things I can do to help and support (and I am), I know that friends and families are struggling, anxious at not knowing what the future brings. As of writing, there is still the possibility of an additional 15-30 inches of rain. Pray for their safety, peace, and sanity. Pray that they will know that ultimately good will come out of this catastrophic disaster.

In fact, I already see the good being done. In a nation where there is a focus on the debate over race, religion, and income equality. In a time where the country criticizes every decision made by local, state and federal governments. Where unity is but a distant hope, I see the people in the nation’s fourth largest city and surrounding areas, banding together in solidarity to help their neighbors, friends, and family.

I see the rich and poor, people of all ages, races, religions and rising up hurricane-harvey_culture_getty-1150x724and becoming leaders within their homes, families, and neighborhoods. I see leaders taking time off of their jobs and coming from all over the United States to support and save lives. I see leaders donating money, food, clothes and goods and their time for those who have lost everything. I see leaders risking their lives for others. I see churches and organizations opening their buildings up shelter, clothe and feed those in need. I know there are some working and staffing those shelters that are facing or have lost their home, have family in desperate need and are experiencing the same anxious thoughts as anyone else. But rather sulk in their despair and hopelessness, they chose to serve others and make a difference.

I SEE PEOPLE SACRIFICING THEIR COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLES FOR THE BETTER GOOD OF MANKIND!

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What the Houston area is witnessing is called, Servant Leadership. Serving others unselfishly with little or no regard to their circumstances. Out of this Servant Leadership, I see something much deeper occurring. I call it Transformational Influence. Leaders making a difference in people’s lives by influencing through their generous serving of others, and positive and encouraging conversations. They possess a positive attitude regardless of the situation or circumstance. Transformational Influence is a term I created from witnessing the transformation of people’s lives through conversation, prayer, and commitment to others. Transformational Influence occurs when we affect the way a person thinks, acts or behaves through our conversations, personal actions or simply our intention.

How can you have Transformational Influence in a time of crisis?

  • Be genuine in your relationship with those you encounter – Focus on the individual’s needs and desires. You can only do that by being sincere, involved and curious.
  • Be intentional – Go out of your way to get to know a person. See someone hurting or sitting alone? Go sit with them and let them share their struggles with you. Ask to pray.
  • Be a servant – Serve them with your whole heart. Make it a priority to help them get settled.
  • Be humble – Realize that you are not them. You are not feeling what they are feeling.
  • Be encouraging – Encourage through your conversation or simply just be there for them. Sometimes the most encouraging thing you can do is simply sit there and not say a word.
  • Give them Hope – Regardless of the situation or circumstance, there is hope. Hope shines brightest when the hour is darkest. Let them see and hear hope for something better. Hope is our greatest asset and the greatest weapon we can use to battle our losses. Without hope, there is nothing.
  • Pray for Them, Daily and Often – Prayer changes people. Prayer changes situations. Even if you don’t pray with them, pray earnestly for their salvation and their success in life.

CalvaryUse this catastrophic and tragic situation to transform the lives of others through your Servant Leadership. Have Transformational Influence on those you come in contact with.

To the people of the greater Houston Area……..Continue to UNITE and Serve One Another! Show the world why Texas is the Best!

To those who have traveled to the area to assist……THANK YOU! Your commitment and service will be remembered for generations to come.

GOD BLESS HOUSTON, TEXAS!

Texas Helping Texans

To Improve Performance, Change Your Attitude

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Life has its ups and downs, its turbulence and its smooth flying. We sometimes stall, but hopefully, we change our attitude and recover to make a smooth landing.

I love flying. I am not a pilot, but I have been interested in flying for most of my life. I love watching pilots perform their pre-check routines. I study every move they make and try to identify every instrument on the panel; altimeter, airspeed indicator, vertical speed indicator, magnetic compass, attitude indicator, heading indicator, turn indicator, etc. If you ever see a nerdy guy sitting up front watching the pilot(s) perform their pre-flight checks, it’s probably me.

I’ve had the privilege of flying in private planes and charters. One of the coolest things is most of these planes have open cabins. You can watch out the front window and every move the pilot performs. I notice that pilots are always watching their instruments. While we gaze out the window trying to identify landmarks or enjoy the scenery, the pilot is intently focused on his instrument panel. One particular instrument, the attitude indicator, seems to be one they refer to and watch most often. In fact, it is placed in a prominent position within the panel, typically right in front of the pilot. While there are other instruments of importance, I believe the attitude indicator is placed in the most prominent part of the panel, because of its significance to the safe operation of the aircraft.

attitude indicatorThe Attitude Indicator depicts the position of the airplane in relation to the real horizon. It shows whether the wings are level and if the plane is climbing or descending, or flying straight and level. A pair of wings represents the attitude of the aircraft in relation to the sky (blue) or ground (brown). Basically, if the wings are in the blue, the plane is climbing, if they are in the brown, the plane is descending. The attitude of an airplane indicates its performance. To modify the performance of an airplane, you must change the attitude.

Through my recent studies on personal attitude, I realize there is an analogy between the performance of an aircraft to the performance of a person. Just as an airplane’s attitude determines its performance, the attitude of a person will determine their performance.

What happens when a person attitude dictates unfavorable results? How can that attitude be changed? I believe the key to having a good attitude is the willingness to change. To change, one must choose to change.

If you want to achieve and maintain a good attitude, do the following:

  1. Evaluate your present attitude – Identify your problem feelings, behavior and thinking. Clarify the truth, secure your commitment and act on your decision immediately and often.
  2. Realize faith is stronger than fear – To succeed, one must have faith from the beginning knowing he/she will succeed.
  3. Want to change – When all else fails, desire alone can get you on the right track and keep you there.
  4. Live one day at a time – Success and failure follow us. Forget yesterday and focus on today. For what we do today, has an impact on tomorrow.
  5. Change your thoughts – What we focus on and remember, determines our actions. Our attitude is developed through our thoughts and feelings. Change your thoughts and feelings, and you will change your attitude.
  6. Develop the right thoughts – Our attitude is nothing more than our thoughts. It is as easy to form a thoughtful habit of success as it is a failure. Work to develop the habit of success through positive thinking.
  7. Choose to have the right attitude – The choice of a good attitude is just the beginning. Attitudes have a tendency to revert back to their original pattern. You must deliberately choose to have the right attitude.

The only way a person’s attitude can change is through their personal desire to change. As leaders, we can influence those we lead to change, but ultimately they make their own decisions. Just as an airplane’s performance changes with a change in attitude, so will the performance of an individual. But remember, attitudes can be bad or good. Make the wrong attitude adjustment in an aircraft and the results can be catastrophic. The same could be said for people. Make a bad attitude change, and the suffrage can be devastating.

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A Person’s Attitude Influences Their Behavior

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I’ll never forget the story my daughter recounted one day. She heard this from a speaker in school. Although the story most likely was not true, it nevertheless painted a picture of what “attitude” is and the impact it can have on a person.

“ A man finds himself accidentally locked in a refrigerated boxcar. Unable to get out, he uses a knife to etch words and phrases onto the wooden floor, such as….”It’s so cold, my body is getting numb” and “I don’t have much longer…” As the hours go by, the man slowly succumbs to death. The next day, the man’s body is discovered.  His written records indicate death due to hypothermia, but the physical evidence shows that the temperature never dropped below 50 degrees.  If it wasn’t hypothermia that caused his death, then what was it?

If it wasn’t hypothermia that caused his death, then what was it?

ATTITUDE….straightforward.

He was going to die, and there were no other options. This story shows how dominant attitude can be and how it can dramatically alter the outcome of any situation.

So what happens when a person’s attitude interferes and affects their behavior? Can a person’s attitude be changed? I think it can. Let me explain.

I have long taught that behaviors can be changed and modified through training, accountability, etc. However, the individual controls their attitude. It’s a choice. The person will bring their own thoughts, feelings, and way of thinking about them and it will manifest outwardly with time. Attitudes determine our behavior. In fact, Webster dictionary defines attitude as; “a feeling or a way of thinking that affects a person’s behavior.” So a leaders job is to consistently influence a person’s behavior. Be persistent and eventually, you will influence their attitude.

Attitude is more important than anything else, it is more important than money, any of your circumstances, or failures and successes. It is more important than your appearance, your talent, or your skill. It will determine your ability to succeed in anything you do.

Attitude: mentoring concept and sign series for business.